


Overture to a Tickle

by stupid_drawings



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual!Sherlock, Crack, Dialogue-Only, Humor, Other, Sexual Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-31
Updated: 2012-01-31
Packaged: 2017-10-30 09:52:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/330432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupid_drawings/pseuds/stupid_drawings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A dialogue-only fic in which Sherlock <i>likes</i> being tickled and John comes up with an arrangement.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Overture to a Tickle

**Author's Note:**

> No regrets. Winter_of_our_discontent beta'd.  
> I think at this point I am just having fun coming up with various ways of torturing John.

“I don’t mind telling you this as long as it’s just you, but I spend an embarrassingly long time on my hair.”

“And it looks like _that?_ You choose to spend time on _that_ style?”

“Well, not on the overall style as much as just getting it to lie flat. It’s rather... puffy... when left to its own devices.”

“So you have a white man afro?”

“Something like that, but the curls are bigger. It makes me look extremely feminine.”

“I’m surprised you care about that sort of thing.”

“So am I. But it’s hard to be taken seriously when you’re a tall lanky boy with puffy hair and a lisp.”

“I can see how- wait, a lisp?”

“I did not say that.”

“Yes you did, you said ‘and a lisp!’ Go on then, let’s hear it.”

“Hear what?”

“Your lisp.”

“That would be impossible as I don’t have a lisp.”

“Not even drunk?”

“I don’t get drunk.”

“Not even if I tickle you?”

“...You don’t want to tickle me.”

“I think you’ll find that you saying that _actually_ makes me want to tickle you more.”

“Trust me, John, you _do not_ want to tickle me.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I like it.”

“I am not seeing the issue here, Sherlock.”

“That’s because you are not _listening_ , John. I _like_ being tickled. I like it _a lot._ ”

“I don’t see why- OH. Oh. Oh, you like, yes. Um, Right then. So you...? Yes, alright. No, er, no. No tickling... Um, sorry, but I didn’t think you _liked_ anything?”

“I don’t, really. It’s just an automatic response.”

“To being tickled...”

“Yes, to being tickled.”

“So... have you ever, you know, while being tickled?”

“No, I thought it would be too weird to try.”

“You? You thought something would be too weird to try?”

“Yes.”

“... Right.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do, go find some bloke online and get him to tickle me while...”

“... It wouldn’t be the weirdest thing to happen from the internet.”

“Yes, but what if it didn’t work? Or if I didn’t like it? Or if they didn’t like it and...”

“Sherlock, Sherlock, calm down. You need someone you trust that’s willing to focus on you, then.”

“Who do I know that would be willing to do that?”

“I don’t know, a friend.”

“Who? You’re the closest thing I have to a friend and you’re Kinsey scale zero! So who, John, is going to be willing to do this?”

“Okay... Okay, fair point. You could... Have you ever tried it on your own?”

“How the hell am I supposed to tickle myself? This is a waste of time. I have better things to devote time and energy to.”

“No, Sherlock, wait a minute.”

“John, I do not even have any interest, past the curiosity of whether or not tickling would make it interesting.”

“Dear god, I don’t believe I am saying this, but... I will tickle you. As long as it’s understood that you take care of yourself. I don’t want to, er, lend a helping hand, okay? And no thinking about me during, either.”

“Wait, are you saying...?”

“I am willing to... never thought I’d say this sentence, em, tickle you while you masturbate. Simply as an experiment. Not to be repeated.”

“You really don’t have to.”

“Sherlock, I am not offering out of a misplaced sense of obligation, so just... get your trousers off.”

“What, now?”

“Do you have anything better to do? You had enough time to tell me about your hair and your lisp.” -“I don’t have a lisp.”- “So I don’t see why you wouldn’t have time for an experiment.”

“For someone that is straight, you are quite adamant about getting my trousers off.”

“No. No, I’m not, I’m just. Well, if I let myself think this through, I am not going to do it, but I feel like you should at least know... before, you know, writing everyone off.”

“John, you don’t have to.”

“Sherlock, I am going to count to three and start tickling, what you do with it is your own problem. One.”

“Oh, to hell with it.”

“Two.”

“Wait, just give me a minute to” -“Three.”


End file.
